Natural Disasters

Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt,

Tsunamis to arise,

Hurricanes to sway around






                             And

no one teaches how to choose a wife.





 Natural disasters just happen.

Mathematics

The subject which makes you mad

Is known as Maths

To become a greatest fool

Learn equations and then rules

The matrices is Maths

Are really bad

Determinant and co-factors

To solve these first become a tractor

In the trigonometry sauce

There are only sine and cos

If you can’t become a PM

Then solve H.P.*, G.P.* and A.M*.

The fractions in the Maths

Are used to make you fat

To find the value of lxl

Better go to hospital of pets

If you can’t become a doctor so what

You can still do operations on sets

Lost in the world of numbers

To find rational, irrational and real numbers

Laws in Maths are so difficult to learn

So better become a lawyer and then earn

Suddenly I realized that

I am wasting time in writing all that

Because I have to learn Maths

Until I become mad




H.P.* = Harmonic progression

G.P.* = Geometric progression

A.M.* = Arithmetic mean

Amazing Brain

Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.

Teacher: Why do you say that?

Student: Because it starts working the second you get up and never stops until you ask a question in class.

Joker

One friend called another and said,

“Could you fax me your photograph urgently. Please, it is very urgent and quite serious.

  I am playing cards and we have misplaced the joker.”

Important

Good morning…………

Have you done two most important things after you woke up today?

1- Pray so that you may live  

2- Take a bath so that others may live too

Latest Quotes

Love Affairs:

Something like cricket where one day international is more popular than a five day test

Divorce:

Future tense marriage

Lecture:

An art of transferring information from the notes of lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either

Conference:

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

Backbencher

No matter what the teacher asks

I am always up to my task

As I am a backbencher

I am always on a venture

Teachers have come and gone

Lying on the back benches I always yawn

The last bench is the best place to sleep

But when exams come I always weep

On my sweet bench, come the sweetest dreams

But they soon end when the teacher screams

“Stand up and leave the class”, the teacher shouts

Making an end to all my sleepy bouts

Looking at all this, sometimes I try to deem

Sitting in front I shall become the nation’s cream

But after all I love this sorrowful trench

As I write this poem, sitting on the last bench

I and My Bed

I and my bed are in a committed relationship.

I don’t know why this alarm clock is so jealous.

 

Brave Santa

Santa pulled six people from the burning house………..

Still he was in jail……..why?

Because all the six were fire brigade staff.

Axeman

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?

Jane: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

Strange Truth

When we were little, we did not care about what to wear. Our parents used to dress us.

Looking back at our old pictures, it seems they did not care either.

Chemistry

Chemistry oh! Chemistry!

You are even worse than history

Tomorrow is my paper

To me you are still a mystery

I look at you and cry

I wish I could die

For just a day tomorrow

And then again come by

Your questions are irritating

Your theory is predating

I wish I could hate you

But my teacher will kill me if I do so

My mother says it’ll be okay

But she doesn’t know you

And how you turn people mad

This thought really makes me sad

 

Vacation

Vacations

Sometimes I think

Sometimes I think

Why do my eyes blink?

Why do I breathe?

And why have I teeth?

Sometimes I think

Why is my hair black?

Why not pink?

And why do I drink water?

Why not ink?

Low or High Grades

Mother: Jack, I don’t understand why do you get so low grades in all the subjects?

Jack: Oh! Mom, you must be proud, they are highest among the failures.

Quotes That Fit Us Perfect

If you are too open minded, your brain will fall out.

Age is very high price to pay for maturity.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

My idea of house work is to sweep the room with a glance.

It is easier to get forgiveness from parents than permission.

Junk is something you have kept for years and throw away two days before you need it.

Your future depends on your dreams, so go to sleep.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the risk.

Students VS Teachers

When we are in class we are “Students”

When they are in class they are “Scholars”

When we write on our writing it is “Over writing”

When they do over writing it is “Correction”

When we gather to discuss we are “Gossiping”

When they gather to discuss they are “Meeting”

When we stand outside the class we are “Punished”

When they stand outside the class they are “Contemplating”

When we do something wrong we are “Idiots”

When they do something wrong they are “Mortal Beings”

When we think in the class we are “Day Dreamers”

When they think in the class they are “Philosophers”

Funny Advantages of Smoking

A smoker can never become old. (He dies young)

The thieves can’t steel anything from a smoker’s house. (He sneezes and coughs all the night)

Robbery cannot occur in smoker’s house. (He has already sold everything)

The standard of living becomes high. (He is an addict and called JAHAZ (aeroplane) in Urdu)

The smoker is usually silent by nature. (He has cigarette in his mouth)

The smoker can never feel exhausted. (He lies in bed all the time)

Facebook

The day is not far away when someone will knock at your door and say,

 “Hey! We have nine mutual friends on Facebook, may I come in.”

Two Airheads

Two airheads were walking down the street.

One noticed a mirror on the side walk and picked it up.

He looked into the mirror and said, “Hmmm, the person looks familiar.”

The second airhead said, “Here, let me see.”

So the first airhead handed him the mirror.

The second one looked in the mirror and said, “You dummy, it’s me.”

Modern Dictionary

University:

A place where couples meet

Classroom:

A place to sleep with open eyes

Examination:

A device which changes sweet dreams into nightmares

Library:

A silence zone to restore energy by glancing at colorful photo pages

Canteen:

A place to spend lavishly without money

Dean Office:

Where angels fear to tread

Discipline:

To turn yourself into a robot

Proctors:

Wolves in sheep’s clothing

Tits Bits

If a barber makes a mistake, it is a new style

If a driver makes a mistake, it is an accident

If a doctor makes a mistake, it is an operation

If an engineer makes a mistake, it is a new venture

If a politician makes a mistake, it is a new law

If a scientist makes a mistake, it is a new invention

If a tailor makes a mistake, it is a new fashion

If a teacher makes a mistake, it is a new method

If your boss makes a mistake, it is your mistake

Funny Truth

Truth

One sunny day in the middle of night, two dead boys got up to fight back to back. They faced each other, drew their sword and shot at each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise, came there and shot the dead boys. If you don’t believe it’s true. Ask the blind man who saw it too!

Facebook Addiction

10 warning signs that show you are addicted to Facebook.

1. Facebook is your homepage.
2. You update your status more than twice a day.
3. You have over 500 friends, half of whom you haven’t actually met.
4. As soon as you are away from your computer, you are on Facebook on your mobile.
5. You’re a FB stalker.
6. You change your profile picture more than a 12 years old girl.
7. You have checked your FB page while reading this article.
8. You clean up your FB wall so it looks like you spend less time on Facebook.
9. You’re a member of more than 10 groups and respond to every event invitation “Attending” even if you have no intention of going.
10. You change your relationship status just to mess up with people.

Professors who don’t know English

Don’t dare talk in front of my back

Both of you two get out of the class

All of you stand in a straight circle

Take 5 cm wire of any length

Stand together beside the window, separately 

Bomb Blast

A boy friend while going to another country promised her girl friend that he would write her a letter daily. In one year he wrote 365 letters. When he returned after one year, he was surprised to hear that her girl friend was married. He asked her whom she married. She simply replied, “The Postman”. (Blast for the boy).